Review: J.Crew’s July 2015 Style Guide

jcrewbathingsuit

J. Crew is in the middle of it’s spring sale bonanza, which means the fleet of catalogs it sent to customers this week was no coincidence or accident.

Most of the pages are devoted to standard summer fare: generically ethnic woven sandals, bland tissue-thin tees, raffia baseball caps. Nothing great. Nothing too terrible, either. As always, there were some disappointing concepts, which I shared below. But overall, this shipment seems to indicate that they’re successfully steering the ship away from the disastrous clothes it created in for most of 2013-2014.

I think I’ll need to subscribe to some new catalogs this summer. Leave me your suggestions in the comments!

elasticshorts
Drapey Chambray Pull-On Shorts ($59.50)

First things first. The top is really lovely, even though it’s an Isabel Marant knock-off. But those SHORTS. The elastic waist is unbelievably un-sexy, while the elastic thigh openings are the kind of design detail you see on unruly kids wearing leashes at the mall.

jcrewbathingsuit
V-Neck Tie One-Piece Swimsuit ($88)

Let’s not be coy. This standard-issue one-piece is as conservative as a swim team uniform. This dowdy shape is only flattering on a model’s body. Mere mortals: Do not attempt.

Seaside Pant in Iridescent Sequin ($148)
Seaside Pant in Iridescent Sequin ($148)

If you’re in the market for pants covered in sequined seaweed, I’ve got you covered! (But wait a few weeks before you buy. These puppies will be on clearance right quick.)

Short-Sleeve Cotton Shirtdress ($98)
Short-Sleeve Cotton Shirtdress ($98)

This wrinkled mess is not fit to be called a shirtdress. It is a pillowcase fit for the largest Tempur-Pedic body pillow ever manufactured.

Seaside Pant ($85)
Seaside Pant ($85)

There’s nothing quite as unsophisticated as magenta sweatpants masquerading as trousers. On a side note, I am not an ally of athleisure-wear defenders and sympathizers. Pajamas are not clothes, people — I don’t care if they’re silk or linen.

Do you disagree with my assessments? I’d love to hear your thoughts!