Happy Friday! Welcome back to Catalog Police, my weekly review of the latest catalogs and the horrors they contain.
Today, we’re looking at H&M’s Spring/Summer 2015 lookbook. It was fairly sparse — just a few looks — but the few outfits displayed were heavy-handed on kitsch and 80s references, as well as kooky prints like sequined palm fronds and electric-colored snakeskin.
Let’s take a look.
Where do I begin? First, that green thing is NOT a top, it’s pajamas. And that tennis dress is not actually a dress. If you look closely, it’s actually a dress that ends in SHORTS — kinda like a high school wrestler’s uniform. Not a promising start.
First, let’s look at the positive: The Moroccan slippers are exactly what I want on my feet this spring. And the pink palm print is kookily pretty. But when paired with the over-sized tuxedo coat and the sequined cacti, the outfit looks like a velvet painting from the Palm Springs Retirement Castle.
There is no combination more incongruous than bubblegum and python. I mean come on, that’s as sacrilegious as making a tutu out of bald eagle feathers. I’m sure there is an Real Housewife of Long Island who would love this — can’t you picture The Nanny wearing this to a job interview?
Formal shorts just won’t die, will they? Please, try to stay away. These look flattering on precisely no one — not even Julia Roberts, who wore an orange version in Pretty Woman. (I suppose I should count my lucky stars that these aren’t orange.)
Luigi? Is that you?