Free People’s Latest Catalog is Cray

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I love Free People so much. Their wackadoodle lookbooks are gifts that keep on giving. In this installment of Catalog Police, I’ll be critiquing some of the crazier items they’re peddling.

Oh, Free People. Never change!

Oh Happy Days Overalls, $128
Oh Happy Days Overalls, $128

First things first: It’s almost 90 degrees outside. Maybe take a layer off for the AUGUST catalog?

Second, this is a primary example of trend salad-ing. The Kansas-sized overcoat and the harem overalls (!!!!) could have been interesting if paired with more normal clothes. But together, this is a big old pile of crazy.

Around the Cape Jacket, $248
Around the Cape Jacket, $248

The Jnco-esque pants are actually pretty adorable — this could easily be an outfit in an Oasis video circa 1997. I didn’t LOVE the fur-trimmed poncho, but it seemed harmless enough.

But then I caught this description for the cape:

The faux fur pictured in the first image is incorrect, the jacket you will receive will feature a tonal faux fur. Please reference the other images.

Wait, WHAT? Why would you include a photo of an item you’re not even selling?

Here’s what the cape-vest REALLY looks like:

What the vest actually looks like.
What the vest actually looks like.

Free People, that’s pretty ballsy. Those two items look NOTHING alike — the fur, buttons and color are all completely different.

I understand that more people will gravitate toward the styling of the first photograph, but it’s incredibly risky to hope your customers will read the disclaimer AND click through all the photographs.

Bad form.

Dans Ziel Ankle Cuffs, $238
Dans Ziel Ankle Cuffs, $238

Lord have mercy. What one earth are these monstrosities? I have three guesses:

1. Leg-irons for a Castaway-themed jail

2. Part of a Brazilian Carnaval costume

3. One of those things the kids are doing that I just don’t get, like molly and EDM

One Bag of Nails, $28
One Bag of Nails, $28

When I saw this photo, I thought it was a joke. Alas, Free People is now in the home improvement business — starting with this literal BAG OF ARTISANAL NAILS.

I have so many unanswered questions.

Is nothing sacred? Whose stupid idea was this? Are they still employed? Are these load-bearing copper nails? Was the mold for the nails created by a team of hipster unicorns? And why does each nail cost more than $2?

If you know the answers to these questions, please, I’m begging you, leave me a comment.