Happy Friday! Welcome to Catalog Police, where I review various catalogs and lookbooks to pinpoint the bad, the mediocre and the over-priced.
Today, we’re dissecting J.Crew’s latest style guide, which is awash in a sea of sweaters, scarves and puffer vests in colors spanning oatmeal and cotton candy. The assortment is as exciting as a shot of sodium pentothal — but like a police chase, I can’t look away.
Before we begin, I want to point out that this is J.Crew’s style guide — meaning the retailer is not only showcasing its clothes, but creative ways to wear them. This oughta be fun.
The color selection — a bizarre melange of moss, sea-foam and brown-green — turns this model into a paint swatch. (Do not attempt without the assistance of your local Benjamin Moore representative.)
Warning: Sweater is non-ergonomic. Unzipping said sweater will dislocate your arms.
These pants were a great score from the Jamaican bobsled team eBay auction.
Behold! A $75 sweatshirt. (If you pay $75 for a sweatshirt, please snap your credit card.)
This is the Shoney’s Buffet of trends, complete with a half-tuck and elastic-waisted gym pants. Things get weirder with the dual lumberjack shirts, which are straight out of Home Improvement.
Until next week, my fellow Pragmatists! May your defenses against the over-priced and the mediocre stay strong.