Welcome back to Catalog Police – where I wield a samurai sword of justice against retail atrocities being perpetrated against innocent consumers. This week, I am judge, jury and executioner in the case against Free People, a repeat offender. Will Free People live up to its moniker? Or will I sentence them to my Google spam folder and throw away the key?
Let’s proceed with the cross-examination:
She’ll shower when Scotland AND Tibet are free.
New Coke launched a customer riot — yet we remain silent on “socks with sandals.” America, get your act together.
Psssst. Your ovaries are showing.
Jacket is 100% Vegan, 100% Recycled, 100% Informercial Mop.
This completely transparent dress will soon star in Pretty Woman 2: Still Won’t Let Her Shop on Rodeo Drive
Free People, you’re facing multiple charges of careless design and wonton disregard for public decency. Here’s your plea bargain: 6 months community service — assisting those who were BLINDED by your creations. I also order you to cease and desist all production of your “pubic X-ray” pants.
Now, get out of my chambers — and send in Anthropologie.