Happy Friday! Welcome back to Catalog Police, my weekly shakedown of mail-order atrocities. This week, we’re examining Free People’s latest catalog, which inexplicably ignores the fact that it’s freezing outside and aims for the tropics, with a side of desert boho.
Let’s dig a little deeper.
I’m sick of backpacks already — but WHAT is that monstrosity on her feet? Free People, you’re gonna need a lawyer — it’s your 17th parole violation on “socks with sandals.”
Part Little League cast-off, part doily, this T-shirt can’t tell if it belongs to your grandmother or your little brother.
This poisonous green lace has the unintended side-effect of looking like scales. (This looks good on precisely no one except a Jetson, so beware.)
Perfect for when you go camping but forget the tent.
Catalog Police’s first convict sentenced to life. The crime? SOCKS WITH SANDALS. How many times do I have to warn Free People?