It’s time to unleash a new series of snark on the latest catalog to land on my doorstep. This week’s victim is Free People — a brand I actually love. (I wore their clothes almost exclusively for my Moroccan honeymoon.)
But lately, the assortment has been hit-or-miss, mostly because the brand can’t decide who actually buys their clothes. Judging by the number of transparent dresses paired with thigh-high boots being peddled, they’re clearly courting the teenyboppers fresh from Wet Seal University. But then there are the afghans and batik-printed maxis aimed at the corny faux-hippies who wouldn’t know a flax seed from a pepita. (They’re totally different, people.)
I show no mercy. Let’s do this.
You’ll need something better than a welder’s salary to justify the price of this Flashdance homage. (Leg warmer-esque socks are not included but can be purchased for an additional $24 on page 4.)
You might go broke buying this $468 outfit. But if you hitchhike in this dress, you’re guaranteed a free ride. (I won’t say on what.)
If a shirt can be this unflattering on a MODEL, imagine the horror on an actual human. I can’t believe this even made the catalog.
An unholy communion of Diane Keaton up top and Britney Spears (circa 2007) down below. Great option for a job interview at a nudist resort.
It’s official: normcore has jumped the shark and kissed the third rail. Even the leopard jacket is trying to free itself from the clutches of this PTA turtleneck disaster.