When I first debuted the Catalog Police feature on Instagram, the inspiration was Joan Rivers’ playful snarkiness on Fashion Police. She made an art out of saying exactly what everyone else was thinking, and this fearlessness sizzled in her red carpet critiques. No one was safe from her microscope — least of all, herself. Today’s installment is devoted to Catalog Police’s patron saint.
This week’s atrocities were committed by a repeat offender… J. Crew.
Let’s get started with this cover, which looks like the deranged results of a Buzzfeed personality quiz. I assume the circled/underlined words are meant to pinpoint the characteristics of the typical J. Crew customer. (Notice that the word “smart” isn’t circled or underlined.)
If you haven’t mastered the ancient art of buttoning a shirt, THIS is the sweater for you: It comes with a wrinkled, untucked shirttail already attached! (I guess a collar costs extra.) The catalog describes it as “menswear-inspired.” But as lazy as men are, I don’t think they have shirts pre-sewn onto their clothes.
What happens when the walk of shame makes you 2 hours late for work!
Yes, global warming is real. But until a freak snowstorm ruins your Hawaii vacay, you’ll won’t ever need a parka paired with a miniskirt.
Someone get me a mop. All the trends just barfed on this model.
There’s only one person who can pull this off. (Besides Pharrell Williams.)
J. Crew, I’m writing you a ticket for blatantly plagiarizing Ab Fab’s Eddie Monsoon — but the charges of attempted murder (weapon: mediocrity) have been dropped.