Robots Take Over The 2016 Met Ball

Madonna

Before we talk about the fashion at last night’s Met Gala, let’s first consider the theme: Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology. I’ll admit, I emitted a rather large groan when I heard “technology.”

I envisioned a parade of cliche gowns threaded with LED lights or harnessed with body cameras. I wondered if someone would have a live Snapchat feed beamed onto their skirt, or if Apple watches would replace the usual pear-shaped diamonds.

The results were slightly less costume-y than I anticipated — but there wee still plenty of weird and wacky interpretations. Let’s take a look.

Jennifer Hudson in H&M
Jennifer Hudson in H&M

Jennifer Hudson told People magazine that she chose H&M to feel more connected to everyday girls. While that’s a noble goal, I don’t totally buy it. There is no retailer more emblematic of machinery than a company that churns out a huge percentage of the world’s cheap clothing.

Beyonce in Givenchy
Beyonce in Givenchy

I really, REALLY hated Beyonce’s nearly naked look last year (see my rant here), so this is a huge improvement. I adore irony, and this outfit has it in spades — a matronly silhouette (mutton chop sleeves) in a dowdy color, but made from fetish rubber. I bow to the Bey.

Dakota Johnson in Gucci
Dakota Johnson in Gucci

Look, I know everyone is OBSESSED with Alessandro Michele’s Gucci. But I must confess that I am the outlier. While the fashion world has swooned for Michele’s use of whimsical embroidery (like bees, pussy bows and lace stars), I find it to be rather juvenile. (Here’s how I felt about Gucci at the Grammys.) The dress above reminds me of a negligee circus tent.

Katy Perry in Prada
Katy Perry in Prada

Look, Katy Perry is a rock star, so she can get away with weirder clothes than a mere mortal. But she looks as cluttered as a refrigerator door covered in souvenir magnets. She gets points for the witty addition of the Tamagotchi on her belt, but that detail got lost.

Kendall Jenner in Atelier Versace
Kendall Jenner in Atelier Versace

Does feminism not exist in the future? Kendall’s body is slamming, but this dress exists only to display a skinny physique. (And I saw her on Snapchat — homegirl can’t walk in this.)

Oh how bleak it is to be nothing but a plastic mannequin.

Madonna
Madonna

Madonna came in a nipple-baring ensemble that reminded us that the body is the ultimate feat of technology. Who can think of engineering more miraculous than a woman’s built-in lactation factory? However, while I appreciate Madonna’s creativity, I wish she’d get the memo that women don’t have to be hyper-sexualized in order to be edgy or interesting. It an’t the 90s anymore — I’m over it.

Rachel McAdams
Rachel McAdams

This dress has nothing to do with the theme, but it’s pretty, gold and the wearer isn’t half-naked. My standards have been lowered to half-mast, but I crown Rachel the best-dressed.

Do you agree with my picks? Sound off in the comments!